Wednesday, February 17, 2010

So, What's In That Muffin?

My first few days here, I kept seeing this word around town:  Sultana.

What the heck is a sultana?  I saw it mostly at bakeries and restaurants.  Upon researching the topic, I found the following definitions:

1.  A wife or concubine of a sultan
2.  A sister, daughter, or mother of a sultan
3.  A mistress, especially of a king or other royal personage
4.  A small, seedless raisin

If only 1 out of 4 definitions describe a raisin, does that mean that when I order a "sultana muffin" there's a 75% chance that the contents of the muffin are made from some deceased royal woman or concubine?  And if so, can I pick which one?  I'd rather have the sister, mother, or wife baked into my morning pastry than a concubine or mistress.  I imagine the muffins from the whore sultanas may have STDs or something and I'd hate to walk away from the breakfast table with gonorrhea.  That'd be the last time I ever ate at that bakery!  Also, how do they keep sultanas (definitions 1 through 3) fresh in those boxes of Sultana Bran at the supermarket?

On second thought, can I switch my order to the blueberry or chocolate chip muffin?  Thanks.

In other news, I learned yesterday that cantaloupe is called rockmelon in Australia.  Rockmelon does not rhyme with antelope and is therefore far less fun than cantaloupe.

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