Have you ever tasted something so disgusting that you just had to throw it away and go hungry?
That doesn't happen to me very often. Actually, I can't even remember the last time that's happened to me. For those of you who have ever met me, you know I'm a foodie. I love food, and I know what types of food I love, and when I find those types of food, I just eat it all up. That explains the gut. But whatever. It's yummy.
One of my favorite foods is falafel. Ok, it's not my top top favorite food. That would be macaroni and cheese (duh). But it's up there. Top 10 for sure. Good falafel is amazing, and even bad falafel is just mediocre. I had falafel pretty much everyday for three weeks when I was in Israel. It's really hard to screw it up too bad. Like, really frickin' hard to screw it up bad.
Except in Australia, apparently.
WTF AUSTRALIA? I've had falafel twice here and Jesus H. Christ both times were just terrible. The first time I had it at a place in a food court. It was bad. It was so bad that I considered not finishing it. But I finished, because alas it is falafel and it (usually) makes me happy. I washed it down with some gelato. After this episode, however, I was wary.
The other night I was walking down Oxford Street when I passed by a Turkish place that had a big sign that said "Falafel". YAY! It looked authentic and good. So, I got a falafel wrap. I took it home. I began to eat it. And you know what?
It tasted like shit.
It was BITTER and it made my mouth pucker. Not the kind of fun, sweet/sour lemon in your mouth pucker. No. This was the "one more bite and I just might vomit in the corner" type of pucker. It was awful. I just can't imagine what they did to fuck it up so bad. I couldn't finish it. I threw it away. Yes, me - Phill Brown - THREW AWAY FALAFEL. Somebody call Dateline NBC because we have a serious issue here. It was falafel. With some hummus. And tzatziki sauce. And some tomatoes and lettuce. On a pita. I just don't get how you can go wrong? It's unfathomable.
Luckily I had also ordered a large fries (or "chips" as they are called here), and their version of large was ginormous. So I had something to eat at least.
But I was pissed. And I still am.