Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Big Daddy Sugar Daddy

I usually don’t blog two days in a row, but I just can’t wait!  Our team at work had a welcome lunch today for a new girl that had joined the company.  I was seated down at the end of the table with the bosses just chatting away as usual.  One of them asked me if I missed the United States.  And I said no.

Hellz no.

But I do miss the shopping and the food that the U.S. has.  It’s true.  I’ve gone shopping the past two weekends in a row and even the holiday sales have proven too expensive for me.  And what I’d give for some Chick-fil-a waffle fries and chicken nuggets or a big slice of New York cheese pizza or soft chicken tacos and a frozen swirl margarita from Chuy’s in Houston or some fried green tomatoes and hush puppies from the Kingfish Cafe in Seattle!  Whoa – I need to cool down…

Now, it must have been fate, but when I arrived back to my desk after lunch there was an e-mail from our receptionist:  “You have a parcel that has arrived and the label says chocolate.”


I ran up front, grabbed my parcel (because they don’t call it a package here) and tore it open.  I felt like I was at the gates of heaven.  Inside the beat-up Scotch bubble mailer was a little glimpse of deliciousness…

Oh yes!  John sent me the Theo Seasonal Holiday Bars!  One of each flavor – just like I asked him to!  For those of you who have ever spoken to me, you’ll know what Theo Chocolate is because it always seems to come up in conversation.  For those of you who have never spoken to me, Theo Chocolate is this uber-delicious chocolate factory in Seattle.  They are organic and fair trade but really they are just plain delicious.  They do some pure chocolate bars - and by pure, I mean the ingredient list contains cocoa beans, cocoa butter, sugar, and milk powder (in the milk chocolate only).  No preservatives.  No waxes.  No chemicals.  Just good ole chocolate the way it should be.  I really should just quit my job and move back to Seattle and become a spokesman for Theo.  Seriously.

And then they sometimes jazz it up with some fun flavors – like the Milk & Cookies, Nutcracker Toffee, Gingerbread Spice, and Peppermint Stick flavored bars which I received today.  OMG I can’t wait to try these!  I even went out and bought a new bottle of milk for the occasion.

Did I mention that all Theo bars are Kosher?  That’s extra points right there.

Chocolate in Australia has proven to be substandard even to Hershey’s (and to clarify, I don’t eat Hershey’s because why would I eat a Hershey’s milk chocolate bar which has 11% cacao when I can have a Theo milk chocolate bar which has 40%... I rest my case).  Because of the heat here, chocolate makers pump their chocolate bars full of preservatives and other chemicals to stop the chocolate from melting so easily.  It just doesn’t taste as good with all that extra shit in it.  And even though Cadbury is the biggest brand of chocolate in both the UK and Australia, you’ll find Brits here heading to the British candy shops to buy Cadbury bars that have been imported from England because those Cadbury bars have fewer chemicals and wax and preservatives and whatnot than the Aussie bars and taste a lot better (and cost two or three times the price as with most things imported to Australia).

But even the British Cadbury bars don’t compare to Theo (actually, the British Cadbury bars taste equally as gross as the Aussie Cadbury bars, but I have a more refined palate for chocolate so maybe you should ask a Brit…)

But Theo – Theo is what I’ve been missing!

Actually, no.  I haven’t been missing Theo.  I’ve been eating Theo.  I picked up $200 worth of Theo Chocolate when I went back to Seattle in May.  TSA had some questions for me on that one.  “Are these presents?” “No, I’m just a fast ass.”  And Nick brought 15 bars of reinforcements when he came to visit me in July.  And, of course, I had long run out by the time John came to visit (mainly because I made the mistake of bringing some bars in for my co-workers to try and some bars to a gay Jew thing and I really should’ve been more diligent and hoarded them all for myself) so the incredible John lugged about $100 worth of Theo across the Pacific Ocean to me in November.  I paid him back of course (with money and my awesome tour guide skills!)

John brought me some bars from the 3400 Phinney Collection – their most interestingly flavored bars – including Vanilla, Coffee, Fig Fennel & Almond, Bread & Chocolate, Hazelnut Crunch, and my favorite – Chai Tea!

And he threw in some mint for good measure (they are flavored with real mint – not fake mint like most “mint” chocolate).

And of course, I needed me some BIG DADDIES!  Two boxes of marshmallow.  Two boxes of peanut butter.

Now that I’ve had my big daddies, I just need to find me a sugar daddy who can afford to ship this stuff to me whenever and wherever I want it.  Applications are currently being accepted.  Apply within.

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