Thursday, July 1, 2010

This One's For Hillary

"This One's For Hillary" is the second of a three part series:  "Dear America."  Look for the final installment in the days to come.

Dear America,

I am about to blow your mind.  Are you sitting down?  No - don’t take a sip of water right now – you might just spit it out all over the table.  Last Thursday morning when I went to work, I arrived to find my co-workers gathered around the TV.  They informed me that we had a new Prime Minister.  Crazy!

No, the Prime Minister has nothing to do with a church.  That’s a different kind of minister.  The Prime Minister is sort of like the President.  Got it?  Ok good.

No, there was no election – but good question!  It just happened!  Political positions are based on parties, so when you vote in an election, you vote for a party (I think).  Then the political party can sort of do whatever they want with whoever they want until the next election.  One day, Kevin Rudd was the leader of Australia, and the next day a few senators from Mr. Rudd’s Labour Party decided that he sucked and said “Hey, how about we put someone else into that position?”  And they can actually do that here!  Imagine you woke up Thursday morning to find that the Democrats in the Senate decided that they had had enough of Obama and said to him “Hey, Obama – you’re fired!  Yo, Hillary – want a promotion?”

God, if only that could happen!  The U.S. just might stand a chance.

So, yes, now we all of a sudden have a brand new Prime Minister, and from what I’ve been hearing, she’s pretty cool.  Oh yes – I just blew your mind twice as hard, didn’t I?  She’s a she!  Julia Gillard is Australia’s first female Prime Minister.  And, quite possibly, she’s Australia’s first lesbian Prime Minister.  No, there are no rumors floating around that she’s a lesbian, but Wikipedia told me that her husband is a hairdresser, and since he’s male and a hairdresser, I assume he’s gay, and since he’s gay and she’s married to him, I assume that maybe she’s using him as her beard and that she’s secretly a lesbian.  But that’s just the little hamster in my head spinning the wheel in the wrong direction.  You can ignore me.

But wait there’s more!  Do you know where the new Prime Minister of Australia was born?  I’ll tell you this:  it was not in Australia.  She’s not a native Aussie!  She’s from Wales!  I just blew your mind for the third time in a row, didn’t I?  Sorry.  I’ll try to tone it down.

Australia doesn’t have that rule that the President (or in this case, the Prime Minister) has to be born in Australia.  That’s a U.S. thing, so all those people who keep arguing that Obama was born in Kenya or Indonesia or something, and that he can’t legally be President, well, they’d all be really bored and have nothing to argue about if they lived in Australia.  Maybe the U.S. should get rid of that rule?  Oh wait – no – nevermind.  I momentarily forgot about Arnold Schwarzenegger.


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