Stop what you’re doing right now and open up the Google homepage. Come on, do it… Now do an image search for “1980’s porn star”. Seriously. Do it.
Ok, now that you’ve searched, examine the results closely. Aside from all of the men being fairly ugly and creepy looking, what else do nearly all of them have in common?
Come on, you can guess…
Ok, fine. It’s a mustache. 1980’s porn stars almost always have a mustache. Well, not all 1980’s porn stars. Just the males.
Now, come to Australia during the month of November and look around… what do so many men have in common?
Oh, that’s right. Mustaches! Australia during the month of November is just like a 1980’s porno flick… except that people aren’t having sex for you to watch (well, at least not for me to watch) and ladies’ hair isn’t as big as it was back then.
November in Australia is called “Movember” - a month-long charity event where men raise money by growing a mustache for the entire month. “Mo” is slang for mustache in Australia, so naturally, November was the obvious month for “Movember”. “Mobruary” and “Mogust” don’t sound nearly as clever. Participants start clean-shaven on November 1st and end on the 30th looking something like Ron Jeremy. In researching this event on the interwebs, it appears that it is a fundraiser for men’s health issues – most notably prostate cancer and depression – but I didn’t actually hear that from anyone’s mouth, so I have a feeling that people do it for whatever charity they want nowadays. And it’s incredible how many men do it: a few of my friends, heaps of co-workers, and probably about one out of every 10 men that you pass on the street… all doing their part to help raise funds for my future prostate health.
Among those who participated: the really hot guy at work. It only took a few days for him to start looking ridiculous. By the 9th or 10th of the month, I could no longer refer to him as the hot guy. Just the memory of his heinous mustache has warped the view of him in my mind. Not that he cares (he’s straight), but still. Also participating: the really sweet older guy at work. He must be in his 60’s and always says “hi” to me and starts up little conversations with me when he sees me in the lunchroom or at the copier. His hair is all gray and white, but his mustache grew in black, and let me tell you: it was beyond porn star creepy. Seriously, the nice older man all of a sudden turned into a sketchy porn star playing the role of the boss about to blackmail his secretary into doing some dirty, dirty deed. Isn’t there a better way to raise money? Like a relay or a march or something like we do in the States?
The whole month reminded me of the time in college when five friends and I decided to go rent an adult DVD to see what it was all about but we all had out-of-state drivers licenses so they wouldn’t let us rent so we ended up having to purchase one but porn is apparently really expensive so we ended up buying something from the VHS bargain bin for $5 and it was a 1980’s porn called “Hocus Poke Us” (not even shitting you) and it was full of women with big hair and men with CREEPY mustaches and some sort of storyline that they tried to pass off as a legitimate plot. Living in Sydney in November was really similar to that.
I’m glad November is over.
God it’s hideous.