Gap Year Q3 Summary

A little bit behind on the blog, but here’s my Q3 recap!  If you don’t care, then don’t read it.

Total time spent:  91.67 days and 92 nights

Start:  Night of Tuesday, January 12 at Tokyo Narita Airport

End:  Afternoon of Wednesday, April 13 at Quito Airport

Continents visited:  3 (including my first time in South America!)

1.  North America:  73%

2.  Europe:  13%

3.  South America:  12%

In transit between continents:  2%

Regions visited:  5

1.  North America:  37.4%

2.  Central America:  19.4%

3.  Caribbean:  15.4%

4.  Northern Europe:  13.0%

5.  South America:  11.9%

In transit between regions:  3.0%

Countries visited:  8

1.  United States:  27.00 days / 28 nights  (29.8%)

2.  United Kingdom:  11.83 days / 12 nights  (13.0%)

3.  Ecuador:  10.83 days / 11 nights  (11.9%)

4.  Cuba:  10.33 days / 10.5 nights  (11.3%)

5.  Costa Rica:  10.00 days / 10 nights  (10.9%)

6.  Nicaragua:  7.67 days / 8 nights  (8.5%)

7.  Mexico:  6.67 days / 7 nights  (7.4%)

8.  Dominican Republic:  3.67 days / 4 nights  (4.1%)

In transit between countries:  3.67 days / 1.5 nights  (3.2%)

And just for fun – time spent in countries that drive on the:

1.  Left side of the road:  14%  (UK)

2.  Right side of the road:  86%  (everywhere else)

Border crossings:  9

-  8 border crossings by air

-  1 land border crossing (on foot from Costa Rica to Nicaragua)

Airports visited:  15 (up from 10 and 13 in Q1 and Q2)

Tokyo (Narita), Abu Dhabi, London (Heathrow), London (Gatwick), Fort Lauderdale, Austin, Dallas/Fort Worth, Santo Domingo, Mexico City, Havana, Panama City, San Jose (Costa Rica), Managua, Quito, Baltra (Galapagos)

*My flights from Quito to Baltra and back also landed to pick up and drop off passengers in Guayaquil, but I didn’t get off the plane so it doesn’t really count.

Airlines flown:  9 (up from 5 and 6 in Q1 and Q2)

Etihad, Norwegian, Southwest, American, Spirit, Volaris, Aeromexico, Copa, Avianca

Accommodation:

1.  Friends and family:  39 nights  (42% - UK and USA)

2.  Hostels:  26 nights  (28% - Latin America, though I often had a private room)

3.  Guesthouse/Homestay:  18.5 nights  (20% - Latin America including “casa particulares” in Cuba)

Other types of accommodation:  camping (Galapagos), hotels (1 night in Houston, 2 in Quito), and airplanes (woohoo!)

Bathroom situation:

1.  Private bathroom:  74.5 nights  (81%)

2.  Shared bathroom:  17.5 nights  (19%)

And now, for some less statistical lists…

Top 6 Experiences (in chronological order):

Because there’s more good than bad, I’m keeping my trend of doing 6 top experiences and 5 bottom experiences.

1.  Seeing family and friends – I got to visit friends and family in the UK and USA, and meet up with friends in Cuba/Costa Rica and Nicaragua.  It was nice catching up with familiar faces!

2.  Mexico City food porn – I fucking love Mexican food and Mexico City provided one foodgasm after another.  Heaven.  Eating the Tex-Mex in Texas was orgasmic too!

3.  Teotihuacan tour – My tour to Teotihuacan from Mexico City was fantastic.  The sights were great, the guide was great, and crossing off one of my 103 Things was great!

4.  Monteverde zip line – Another of my 103 Things, I can’t say that I wasn’t terrified at the start, but zip lining ended up being a ton of fun!

5.  Galapagos Islands – These islands were stunners.  I don’t even like animals all that much but the wildlife watching was fantastic.  This should be a must-do on everyone’s list!

6.  Quito walking tour – when the tour guide didn’t show up, two other travellers and I did our own walking tour and it turned out to be an absolutely lovely day.

Bottom 5 Experiences (in chronological order):

1.  British transport – I hate British transport.  It’s expensive.  It’s crowded.  It takes ages.  The staff are unfriendly and unhelpful.  I can’t believe the Queen lives this way.

2.  Texas Republicans – It was local election season in Texas and campaign flyers and billboards touted these assholes’ anti-gay, pro-gun, anti-choice “accomplishments”.  I was uncomfortable.

3.  Cuban pizza and sandwiches – I love Cuban food in Miami but the Cuban food in Cuba is pretty shit.  There’s only so many shitty pizzas and sandwiches you can have.  There’s no variety at all.

4.  Border crossing stress – The staff at my hostel in Monteverde told me that the border crossing to Nicaragua might take all day.  I was super stressed for 24 hours, but it ended up being a breeze.

5.  Spider shower – The campsite on Isabela Island (Galapagos) had giant spiders in the showers.  I left Australia – I shouldn’t have to deal with this shit.

There were no major mishaps in Q3.  Woohoo!

Top 3 Places I Could Live (in preferential order):

1.  London – I have a ton of friends here, there are tons of job opportunities, it’s English-speaking, and well-connected to the world!

2.  Bristol – It’s not glamorous, but it’s close to London.

3.  Mexico City – Food.

I think I’d rather live in a new Latin American city than live Florida or Texas.  Been there, done that.  I’d probably rank San Jose and Quito before the US cities I visited too.  But not Cuba.  No way.

Top 3 Places to Visit Again (in preferential order):

1.  London – I was so busy visiting friends in London that I hardly saw anything touristy.  I’d like to change that.

2.  Costa Rica – It’s a great little country and there are other parts I’d like to see.  10 days was not nearly enough!

3.  Galapagos Islands – One day when I have money, I’d like to do one of those rich bitch boat tours and check out some of the uninhabited islands.

I also wouldn’t mind checking out more of Mexico and mainland Ecuador.  It would be fun to go back to Cuba one day when communism finally disappears.

Top 3 Accommodations (in preferential order):

1.  Hostal Monte Cristi (Managua) – I only had one night here before my flight, but the room was nice and the owners were lovely and I wish I had booked in a day just to chill here.

2.  Can San Ildefonso (Mexico City) – While I wish I had stayed in a different neighbourhood, the building here was charming and the staff were super friendly.  I met some nice people too!

3.  Posada del Arenal (La Fortuna, Costa Rica) – This little guesthouse was brand new, conveniently located, had good air conditioning, and the owner was sort of a DILF.

Because I stayed in seven different family and friends’ homes, I’m not including them in this list.  That would be rude to rank them, but maybe I’ll do it quietly in my head.

The end is quickly approaching.  Noooo!  Q4 will feature an impromptu wedding (not mine), a shit ton of coffee, trying to figure out how to watch Eurovision from South America, and a visit to one of the world’s most remote islands.  But first, let me take a selfie.

Smiling after an easy border crossing into Nicaragua.

A Nativity Llama in Quito

The capital city of Ecuador, Quito has a reputation for being dangerous – as do all Latin American cities – but I didn’t find it to be all too bad (though I always play it safe).  There were some really nice neighbourhoods (and some not nice neighbourhoods) and plenty of good restaurants.  I had three days to chill in the city after my return from the Galapagos and I did my best to make the most of it.

A few highlights of my time in Quito:

TeleferiQo & Guayasamin:

My first full day in Quito was spent with a few people from my tour taking taxis to the faraway places that weren’t lumped in with the rest of the tourist sites.  We started at the TeleferiQo – a cable car that whisks you up the side of one of the mountains that surrounds Quito’s valley.  At the top, we were a mere 4,050 meters (13,287 feet) above sea level.  So basically really fucking high.  In fact, commercial jetliners pressurize their cabins to levels of around 6,000 – 8,000 feet above sea level so Quito is naturally 66% - 121% higher than that.  I got a headache.  The lookout itself was super cloudy upon arrival but the clouds parted after a few minutes and we had some great views of the city below.

Later on, we popped by the former home of Oswaldo Guayasamin – one of Ecuador’s most famous artists.  He died a few years ago and his hillside home has been turned into a museum.  Next door, the Capilla del Hombre (Chapel of Man) was built by Guayasamin to showcase big murals depicting the suffering of indigenous Latin American peoples.  His works are brilliant.  Unfortunately, pictures were not allowed inside.

The Equator(s):

Just outside of Quito lies the equator, and it’s every tourists’ duty to take a picture with one foot, arm, testicle, and nipple in the northern hemisphere and one foot, arm, testicle, and nipple in the southern hemisphere!  Due to the mountainous terrain, it was here was the equator was first marked out in 1736 using triangulation.  However, the methods back then weren’t exact and the expedition team was (much much) later determined to have been 240 metres off.  Nevertheless, the government built a monument on the site of the original equator and turned into a tourist attraction called “Mitad del Mundo” (Half of the World).  A tower and yellow line marks the original equator and the complex also contains a craft village, a few museums (including one with some Guayasamin works that were available for pictures!), a bunch of other crap, and llamas!

Almost next door lies Museo Intiñan with various displays on indigenous culture and the modern day GPS calculated equator – though my guidebook said it was also slightly off.  The guided tour lets you walk on the equator and demonstrates how water spins different ways on either side of the line and how the forces pulling you both ways make it very difficult to walk a straight line on the equator.  Museo Intiñan was definitely better than Mitad del Mundo.  While it lacked random llamas, it did have a chocolate display and random guinea pigs!  The best part of this whole day trip:  it only cost me $0.80 to get there and back on the public bus.  I love it.

Walking tour:

I showed up for one of those free walking tours that most cities have these days.  Unfortunately, the guide decided not to show up.  I was stranded there with two other travellers but I had my Lonely Planet on my phone and it came complete with a suggested walking tour.  So I was the new tour guide!  Our first stop was the massive Basilica del Voto Nacional.  This is Ecuador, so rather than having traditional gargoyles decorate the exterior, the basilica has turtle and iguana gargoyles.  The belltower was TERRIFYING to climb up.  What basically amounts to a ladder was sticking out over the side of the building to let visitors climb up.  There was some thin netting to protect you if your foot slipped forward but it had holes in it and would do nothing if you fell backward.  I almost didn’t go up but I’m glad I did as the views were great.

Our leisurely walking tour took us to various plazas and more churches than I think I had ever visited in my lifetime up until that point.  Some of these Ecuadorian churches were decorated in nothing but gold.  Shouldn’t the Catholic Church be a bit more responsible with their money and use it for good instead of gold?  My favourite church was the big cathedral – not because it was pretty or big or whatever – but because it had some interesting local religious artwork including a nativity scene featuring a horse and a llama, and The Last Supper featuring Jesus and his posse eating guinea pig and humitas (the local version of tamales) and drinking chicha (a fermented corn drink).  Amazing.  Pictures weren’t allowed inside and I always follow the rules, but seeing as the Catholic Church has little to no respect for me and all my gays, I’ll have a bit of disrespect for them.  I took my picture of Jesus and his badass nativity llama.

Also on the walking tour we strolled down La Ronda – a famous street for tourists.  While the street comes alive at night, it was pretty dead at daytime with the notable exception of a chocolate shop called Chez Tiff which is run by a Swiss-Ecuadorian family.  We had a quick chocolate lesson and some “intense” hot chocolate.  Jizz.  To end the tour, we popped into the Museo de la Ciudad.  It didn’t have much English, but it was an interesting history of the city and country nonetheless.

The guide not showing up actually worked out really well.  We got to move at our own pace, stop for chocolate, and we didn’t have to tip.  WIN!

I always mention the food:

But it wasn’t all that notable here.  Similar to the other Latin American countries, typical Ecuadorian food often consisted of chicken or fish or pork with rice, lentils, and a salad.  I had llapingachos – fried root vegetable patties – one night, and a delicious quinoa soup another.  And I had Mexican food – obviously – at a Frida Kahlo inspired taco joint.  For dessert:  pie.  American pie.  Not the movie.  But the actual pie.  At an American grill and pie restaurant.  Lemon cream pie with a scoop of Key Lime Pie ice cream on the side.  Oh yes!

From Ecuador, I was flying to Colombia via Panama City.  It was my third layover in Panama City so I figured I should stop for a few days and see a canal or something. But first, let me take a selfie.

To see more photos of my time in Quito, follow this link:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10100380917729641.1073741917.3000370&type=1&l=bd56d8196a

Tortoise Sex in the Galapagos

The Galapagos was one of those places that wasn’t on my initial itinerary – mainly because of time and money.  But the time opened up and the money… well, it wasn’t great.  Most tourists go on boat tours and it costs thousands of dollars.  I opted for an on-land camping option with significant savings.  Even then, it was pricey.  The reason:  there are lots of fees to help maintain the islands as a National Park and their distance from the mainland means shipping items adds much additional expense.  But it was totally worth it.

The Galapagitos – a diminutive name for the people there – don’t seem to like the mainland so much.  Ecuador takes a lot of the tourist revenue as their own and doesn’t put enough back into the islands.  Ecuador also uses political maneuvering (and sometimes force) to keep the islands in line.  Nevertheless, the islands are still part of Ecuador for historical reasons and because they’d fail economically if they declared independence.  With only around 25,000 inhabitants, there isn’t much of an economy.  And while many tourists come to see the stunning natural beauty and unique wildlife, the revenue stream just isn’t big enough to sustain the whole of the islands.

I joined a tour group in Quito and flew to Baltra – the island with the main airport.  Before arrival, we were treated to the world’s most ridiculous entry video – where Muppet versions of a park ranger and a terrible American tourist discussed the rules of the national park.  It was both hilarious and painful at the same time.  Upon landing, we made our way from Baltra Island to visit three of the four other inhabited islands, taking a speedboat between them.

A few highlights of my time in the Galapagos:

Floreana Island:

With a population of just 122, Floreana is by far the least populated of the four populated islands.  There aren’t really any restaurants – you generally eat where you stay.  We swam and watched sunset at a black sand beach, went snorkelling (but didn’t see much aside from two sea turtles, a sting ray, and a lone penguin on a rock), walked through a small part of the Floreana Highlands, and visited the Asilo de la Paz tortoise reserve where we witnessed two sets of tortoises fucking!  Wooooo!  Another neat tradition is the post box on the pier.  Before there was standard mail service to this remote island, people would leave mail in a box near the pier and those who were leaving or passing by would take the mail and hand deliver it to its destination.  Only tourists continue this tradition today, but I grabbed a postcard with a Tacoma, Washington address on it and may hand deliver it when I’m in Seattle in July.

Isabela Island:

Formed by six volcanos that merged into one big land mass, Isabela is by far the largest of the Galapagos Islands by land and third largest by population, with only around 2,200 residents.  En route, our boat passed by the small Tortuga Island – just south of Isabela – to check out various bird and iguana nesting sites.  Upon arrival, we hiked up the crater of Volcan Sierra Negra – the largest of the Galapagos volcanos with a caldera that is nearly ten kilometres across and filled with lava rocks.  Elsewhere on the island, I visited two flamingo ponds and took a day trip which involved a boat tour with various wildlife sightings (including penguins and sea lions EVERYWHERE), a short walk on Islote Tintoreras (to see iguanas, a pretty beach, and sharks close-up in a shallow channel along the walkway), and snorkelling.  The snorkelling was definitely a highlight.  I saw so many fish in the entire palette of colours, sea turtles, and a shit ton of sharks (moderately terrifying at first, but they didn’t seem to notice us or care that we were there).  A playful sea lion also came around and swam amongst the group.  Just like on Floreana, our group visited a giant tortoise breeding center to see some more hardcore tortoise on tortoise action.  In town, the only real sight to see was the local church.  I don’t like churches because the Catholic Church is so terrible, but this one had Jesus with a bunch of palm trees, a giant tortoise walking up to the altar, and stained glass windows featuring local species such as the Galapagos penguin and blue-footed booby (hehe!)

Santa Cruz Island:

Santa Cruz is the second largest by area and most populous of the islands with around 12,000 people.  Aside from transiting to and from the airport on neighbouring Baltra Island, we also visited a lava tunnel, a fish market (with sea lions and birds desperately awaiting scraps), a gorgeous beach where we had a full day to swim (or roast, whichever your skin tone allows), and yet another tortoise breeding center – the one at the Charles Darwin Research Station.  In town, lights around the main pier made for great night-time viewing of sting rays and juvenile sharks.

Wildlife:

Tourists flock to the Galapagos to see the wildlife – made famous by Charles Darwin’s analysis of the evolution of the local species.  Birds win the award for most species sighted.  We saw blue herons, flamingos, Galapagos mockingbirds, yellow warblers, tropical birds, pelicans, and more.  The frigate bird was one of the most interesting.  The males have a giant red heart-shaped sack under their necks that they inflate like a balloon during mating season.  The Nazca booby and the blue-footed booby are two common species, with the latter being one of the most famous species on the islands.  The blue-footed booby has – as you can guess – blue feet!  This makes it gorgeous and super unique.  The name “booby” also makes it an easy gimmick for shitty souvenir shops.  Everywhere we went, there were t-shirts and coffee mugs that said “I love boobies” with a picture of the blue-footed booby printed next to it.

This is even more immature than me.

My absolute favourite bird – quite obviously – was the Galapagos penguin.  I didn’t get to see any while snorkelling but I saw quite a few above ground chillin’ on the rocks.  I was always taught that penguins only live in the southern hemisphere, but that is a lie.  Fun fact:  Did you know that Isabela Island has the only penguins in the world that live north of the equator?  Penguins live all around the island and the equator runs right through it so all of your teachers in school were sitting on massive thrones of lies.

Some of the most famous inhabitants of the islands are the giant tortoises, of which there are a shit-ton of subspecies – pretty much one for each volcano in the archipelago.  Some look like normal tortoises but others have flat shells (an adaptation for helping them navigate through low-roofed lava tunnels) or pinched shells.  They all had one thing in common:  they were horny.  While not traditionally mating season, changing weather patterns are confusing the giant tortoises into thinking it’s time to get it on.  Oh yes.  Tortoise sex, baby!

We saw crabs.  We saw lava lizards.  We saw land iguanas.  We saw marine iguanas – both on land and swimming in the ocean.  There were plenty of sea turtles that we saw while snorkelling, as well as sting rays and both black tip and white tip sharks.  I only freaked out a little when I saw the dozen or so sharks while snorkelling.  Also super fun was the pod of dolphins swimming alongside our boat going between Isabella and Santa Cruz Islands.

The funniest of the animals, however, was the sea lion.  The sea lions were everywhere.  They were on boats.  They were on beaches.  They were swimming with us in the water.  They were shopping at the fish market.  They were chilling on piers.  Bust most of them were sleeping on benches.  Sea lions fucking love benches.  I think half of my sea lion pictures involve sea lions on benches.  Sea lions are the old men of the marine mammal world.

Food:

Food on the Galapagos is… not great.  Our included meals were generally chicken or fish with rice, lentils, and salad.  At restaurants, the service was often excruciatingly slow and the food usually fairly expensive.  One restaurant managed to sling together some chicken on a tortilla and call it a quesadilla despite not including any cheese.  I successfully argued with the lady in Spanish and got our money back.  Gold star!  That was a rare place – they actually had chicken.  There was a chicken shortage when I was there and most places took it off the menu.  The only legitimately good restaurant for both food and service was the Galapagos Deli in Puerto Ayora on Santa Cruz Island.  It was too legit to quit.

After nearly a week in the Galapagos, it was time to head back to the mainland.  I added on a few extra days in Ecuador to explore the capital city, Quito.  But first, let me take a selfie.

To see more photos of my time in the Galapagos, follow this link:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10100380370690911.1073741916.3000370&type=1&l=ae62ec628c

Nicaragua

The border between Costa Rica and Nicaragua was my only land border crossing in the Americas and it was supposed to be a stressful one.  When I arrived in Monteverde – my last stop in Costa Rica – I was told that it would probably take a few hours but that it would be uneventful.  Three days later, when I told another staff member at the hostel that I’d be heading across the border tomorrow – Good Friday – he looked at me like I had two heads.  He told me that 800,000 Nicaraguans live in Costa Rica and they all love to go home for the Easter long weekend and that I’d be totally fucked.  Like, I wouldn’t get a bus and if I did I’d have to wait all day at the border because most of the border guards don’t work on the holiday weekend and that I should leave ASAP.  So, I cancelled my chill day in Monteverde and left on the afternoon bus to Liberia – the closest city to the border.  I stayed at a shitty hostel and the following day – Good Friday – I woke up as the ass crack of dawn and headed out to get to the bus station by 6am.  While I did have to wait 2 hours for the first bus, my arrival at the border was… totally the opposite of what I was expecting.  There was no one there.  Except the staff.  It seemed fully staffed, actually.  And I didn’t need to wait in any lines.  I basically just walked across.  It was so fucking easy and all of that stress was unwarranted.  I gave a dirty glare to the worker in my hostel in Montverde, but as I was already several hours away, he didn’t see me.  Bah!

Anyway, enough of my gripe.  Nicaragua, like Costa Rica, is full of a surprising number of expats.  I guess those that can’t afford the country’s rich southern neighbour come here to live the easy life.  Nicaragua definitely isn’t as nice as Costa Rica.  The restaurant options aren’t nearly as good, the tap water is not drinkable, and it just doesn’t look as nice in general.  But it’s cheap.  And I like cheap.  It’s also very easy for travellers to navigate and the main tourist spots are surprisingly safe for Central America.

A few highlights of my time in Nicaragua:

San Jorge:

The little town of San Jorge sits on the shore of Lake Nicaragua – the 19th largest lake in the world.  This little town isn’t really a stop for tourists, but it is near the Costa Rica border and it’s the jumping off point for the ferry to Isla de Ometepe.  I arrived on Good Friday to find the beach absolutely packed with locals celebrating the day off.  There was a stage with live music, what seemed like hundreds of food stalls, and lots of men touting large fake horses to take pictures with.  Weird.  The beach offers great views of Isla de Ometepe.

Isla de Ometepe:

Formed from two volcanoes that erupted and joined together to form an island, Ometepe sits in the middle of Lake Nicaragua and is one of the top spots to visit in the country.  Della and Eric – friends of mine from university – arrived the day after I did and we took the ferry to the island together.  I had met up with Della and Eric last year in Bali when they did their gap year.  I planned that week out so it was their turn to return the favour!  They booked us into accommodation in a quiet area of the island – the little village of Merida.  From there, we had the perfect view of three sunsets in a row.  It was a great location!  We did a walk to the San Ramon Waterfall one day – though it was dry season so there wasn’t much water falling.  We also visited the Ojo de Agua – a mineral spring which was a lot more commercialized than we were expecting, but super pleasant nonetheless – and Playa Santo Domingo.

Granada:

From Ometepe, we ferried back to the mainland and taxied to Granada – a famous colonial era city that is extremely popular with the tourists.  It’s a UNESCO World Heritage site and is full of beautifully restored buildings.  Ok, mostly beautifully restored churches, but there were a few other buildings thrown into the mix too.  We visited the Church, Convent, and Museum of San Francisco where we learned about indigenous games.  We popped into the beautiful Granada Cathedral and climbed the belltower at the Iglesia de la Merced to take in views of the town.  We walked around the Fundacion Casa de Los Tres Mundos where student artists and musicians were at work improving their skills.  The highlight was a day trip which took us to various sites in and around Granada.  We visited a traditional tile-making factory, Fortaleza Coyotepe (a fort high on a hill which was used for political prisoners up until 1979), and the Laguna de Apoyo.  The laguna is a lake occupying the caldera of an extinct volcano.  We went up to a viewpoint on the rim and then drove down to the water’s edge to a swanky (yet still fairly inexpensive) beach club to have lunch, a drink or two, and a nice swim in the clear water.  Gorgeous.

Leon:

While we were hesitant to double up on well-restored colonial cities, we decided to visit Leon as well.  While Granada has always been the bastion of conservatism in the country, Leon has been the left-wing capital.  Factions from these two cities battled it out for glory but eventually the country chose Managua as its capital – somewhat halfway between the two rival cities.  It was sort of like Sydney-Melbourne rivalry that led to the establishment of Canberra but a LOT more bloody and terrifying.  Like, a LOT a LOT.  Just like Granada, Leon is full of churches.  We visited a handful of them on our walking tour but the best was the Catedral de Leon aka Basilica de la Asuncion.  The roof of this large, white-domed cathedral is open for visitors to walk around barefoot.  We explored the roof and took plenty of photos of the surrounding areas, and had a bit of a photoshoot of ourselves too!

We also visited two museums in Leon.  The Museo  de Arte Fundacion Ortiz-Guardian had good collection of contemporary art and occupied two very large, gorgeous colonial style houses.  Far more interesting was the Museum of Legends and Traditions.  This museum had models of important Nicaraguan historical figures and crazy displays and dioramas depicting local folklore.  Most of the folklore seemed to revolve around women getting screwed by men and then getting their revenge.  The most interesting and entertaining one was titled “Grab Your Tit” and basically had a mannequin of a women with one breast hanging out of her clothes.  The caption more or less read as follows:

“She was a woman… it is said she was a very ugly woman… Her father offered a lot of money for someone to get married with her but no-one wanted to. For that reason, she wanders in the different streets… looking for a man, she chooses the one she likes… and forcefully put her nipple in the mouth… telling him GRAB YOUR TIT, GRAB YOUR TIT, leaving them mortified and with asphyxiated.”

Wow.

Food:

There wasn’t really anything too exciting about the food, especially after Costa Rica.  I had some local fried chicken with plantains, rice, beans, and salad on the beach at San Jorge my first day.  Aside from that, the typical food didn’t really differ from Costa Rica all too much.  I had some coconut ice cream, some pretty good gelato at a place called “Kiss Me” in Leon, and various international cuisines such as Asian-style stir-fry, a Sri Lankan-Polish-Nicaraguan style take on butter chicken masala, and – of course – Mexican food!  We also had pupusas with a nice big glass of tamarind juice for dinner on our last night in Managua.  Pupusas are thick corn tortillas with filling and are more El Salvadorian than Nicaraguan but it felt authentic anyway.  It was also in the front yard of someone’s home so that felt pretty authentic.  Finally, the local beer – Toña – is also worth a mention as it was very enjoyable!

We didn’t do anything in the capital – Managua – as there isn’t much for tourists to do there, but I did have one night there before my early morning flight and I must mention that my little guesthouse (Hostal Monte Cristi) was excellent.  I wish I actually had stayed another night or two and given Managua a chance!

Now, despite being from Miami, I had never been to South America.  So, time to check my sixth continent off the list.  But first, let me take a selfie.

To see more photos of my time in Nicaragua, follow this link:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10100377117739851.1073741915.3000370&type=1&l=e043a56e24

Costa Rica

Remember that time I was gushing about Taiwan?  Well, I sort of feel the same way about Costa Rica.  Not quite as much as Taiwan, but I love Costa Rica.  Especially after coming from Cuba, Costa Rica was a breath of fresh air.  Literally.  All those old cars really polluted up the place.

Costa Rica was not what I was expecting from Central America.  The museums were good with proper curation and English signage.  It was relatively safe.  The food was delicious.  And the water was drinkable from the tap.  Holy crap!  There were a lot of American expats living there – finding it to be a better quality of life than staying in the USA.  I don’t blame them.  The only downside of Costa Rica:  the price tag.  It’s definitely more expensive than I was expecting for Central America.  Food cost more.  Accommodation cost more.  Museums, park entrance fees, and tours all cost more.  The only cheap thing:  bus travel.  The buses were so fucking cheap.  I don’t know how they do it.

A few highlights of my time in Costa Rica:

San Jose:

Most other tourists that I spoke to seemed to be skipping San Jose.  Sure, Costa Rica is known for its natural beauty, biodiversity, and adventure sports, but the country’s capital city has a lot to offer too.  The Jade Museum, National Museum of Costa Rica, and Museum of Contemporary Art and Design all were way better than anything I had seen in a while (and way way better than I was expecting).  The National Theatre is the most famous building in the city and has some neat artwork.  The best part of San Jose:  eating.  Yen and I stayed in the San Pedro area near the university.  The area is known for its plethora of delicious restaurants.  More about the food below.

Poas Volcano:

An easy day trip from San Jose is the Poas Volcano National Park.  We took the bus as far as we could go up the volcano and walked a bit further to the rim of the crater.  We got lucky as it was a (mostly) clear day when we arrived.  Looking down from the rim was a view of the active crater spewing out gases and steam.  It wasn’t erupting or anything at the moment – we weren’t in any danger of being killed by lava or pyroclastics – but it was doing something volcanic and that is a rare sight for most people.  Super cool.

La Fortuna:

La Fortuna is the little town as the base of the Arenal Volcano.  The volcano had been erupting for over four decades but finally petered out in 2010.  It was a major tourist draw back in the day, and tourists still come to the area despite the volcano’s now dormant state.  The volcano is the backdrop for the whole town and its perfect volcano shape looks like something out of a movie.  Next to the volcano and in the same national park lies Cerro Chato – an extinct volcano open for hiking.  We made it to the rim only to find the clouds and mist obscured the entire view.  Bah!  We did get to see one exciting thing though:  a coati!  It’s a super cute member of the racoon family and it was sniffing out us tourists at the top in hopes of scoring some snacks.

No, coati.  You get nothing.

After our hike, we took a dip in the water at La Catarata de La Fortuna (La Fortuna Waterfall).  The following day, we started out with a breakfast of champions:  a tour of a chocolate plantation!  Aside from the usual explanation of the cacao-growing and chocolate-making process, we were treated to various tropical fruits, sugarcane juice, and – of course – hot chocolate.  The chocolate plantation was also a good place for a bit of wildlife viewing – with woodpeckers, lizards, and a big ass iguana up in a tree.  After an afternoon massage (because we’re fancy bitches), we headed to the Baldi Hot Springs – one of the many thermal springs in the area – to take a dip in the hot waters.

Monteverde:

Taking a van, a boat across Lake Arenal, and another van, we ended up a few hours later in Santa Elena and Monteverde – neighbouring towns/areas that are home to the famous Monteverde Cloud Forest.  Zip-lining through this particular cloud forest was on my list of 103 Things and I was thrilled to check it out.

Thrilled aside, let me be honest for a second:  I don’t do adventure sports.  I work in insurance.  I’m risk averse.  Yen can vouch that I was a bit nervous (or maybe more than a bit nervous), but I ended up pulling my shit together.  The first zip-line or two were scary but I quickly got used to it and began to enjoy the experience of whizzing over the cloud forest canopy.  The ticket also included a “Tarzan swing” – where you strap in and some kid employee yells at you to bend your knees… “BEND YOUR KNEES”… and then he pushes you off a platform and you go swinging through the air on a rope while letting out a series of yelps that are not at all embarrassing.

Not in the least.

Finally, Yen made me purchase the upsell for $10 and we did a “Superman” zip for the final one kilometre-long cable.  The “Superman” is basically where they strap you in extra good and you’re in sort of a plank position looking at the ground and then you go flying through the air like… well, like Superman.  Sounds fun, right?

I swear I was going to vomit for the first few seconds but it actually ended up being good fun.  Terrifying for those of us afraid of heights, but good fun nonetheless.

Back on the ground, the zip-line place had a series of tree top walkways where we got to see a monkey!  We also did two guided tours through the cloud forests:  one in the morning and one at night.  The night walk was a wildlife goldmine:  an eyelash viper, tarantula, armadillos, scorpion, toucan, green viper in the shape of a penis, and a motherfucking two-toed sloth.  SLOTH!  The morning walk was more bird focused and we saw various species of hummingbirds and the most famous bird in the region:  the gorgeous quetzal.

Food food food:

Ok, Costa Rican food isn’t all that different from other typical foods in the region.  For breakfast, we had gallo pinto.  It translates literally into “painted cock” – like a rooster, not a penis – but I don’t know why it’s called that.  It’s basically eggs, rice mixed with black beans, cooked plantains, a tortilla or two, and some sauce.  For lunch, the typical set plate is called a casado and it’s not too different from the gallo pinto.  You order your casado at a soda (a small local restaurant) and it includes some sort of meat with rice, beans, cooked plantains, maybe a tortilla, and various salads (such as pasta salad, cole slaw, potato salad, beetroot salad, whatever).

But the real gems were the western style restaurants.  The San Pedro neighbourhood of San Jose and the Santa Elena/Monteverde area have a ton of delicious restaurants that cater to the yuppy university crowd and/or tourists.  There are bakeries, Middle Eastern restaurants, Asian food, Mexican (duh!), tons of vegetarian options, crepes, and more.  The food was fresh.  It was delicious.  And I swear many of the restaurants could easily survive in Australia.  Crazy.  It’s also worth mentioning coffee.  While 99% of the country’s coffee production is exported, 1% now remains onshore and cute little cafes are buying it up and serving coffee that wouldn’t be out of place in Sydney.  Delicious.

After 10 days in Costa Rica, Yen headed back down under and I made my way to the country’s northern border to meet up with two friends from university.  But first, let me take a selfie.

To see more photos of my time in Costa Rica, follow this link:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10100376355746891.1073741913.3000370&type=1&l=1b0284d76b

Cuba

So…. I got an Australian passport and I went to Cuba!  Yay!  It was much easier that way.  Americans have to jump through hoops.  My friend Yen flew over from Sydney to travel with me to Cuba (and to Costa Rica as well).

 

I might as well just jump into it:  I have super mixed feelings about Cuba.  Yes, aspects of Cuba are nice, but there’s always more to the story.  Healthcare is free for everyone and it’s pretty good.  I love free healthcare!  I wish America had free healthcare!  Yay for Cuba!  Except doctors get paid the equivalent of $24 per month.  That’s not enough to survive on even if you are single without a family.  Most doctors have to drive taxis after hours to be able to make enough money to survive.  The average wage for everyone is about $19 per month.  Many families rely on money sent from their families overseas in the USA or other countries.  Roads are freshly paved… when dignitaries like President Obama come to town.  The architecture is beautiful and many buildings have received UNESCO funding for restoration.  But the majority haven’t.  And they are falling apart.  Food rations are provided by the government, but they are basic and aren’t nearly enough to live off of.  In the 1990’s – after the collapse of the Soviet Union – Cuba basically had a big famine and the average Cuban lost one-third of their body weight.  It’s great if you want to lose weight, but this was the 1990’s.  Not the 1890’s.  WTF, Cuba?  Seeing all of the old cars – and riding in all of the old cars – is super neat, until you realize that they are spewing out all sorts of black smoke and they constantly break down.  The propaganda machine was strong in favour of communism, but the museums and official literature fail to mention how so many Cubans fled from it in the early 1960’s… and in the 1990’s… and even recently.  Up until very recently, Cubans were easily able to get visas for Ecuador.  They’d go and then try to make their way overland to the USA via Colombia, Central America, and Mexico.  Learning about this, Nicaragua – friends with Cuba – closed their border to Cubans at the Cuban government’s request.  So, many Cubans became stuck in Costa Rica and Panama.  Those two countries have intercepted thousands of Cubans already in 2016.  Thousands!  This year!  And we’re only in April!  So, Mexico and all of the Central American nations (except Nicaragua) pitched in and provided airlifts to bring the Cubans northward (avoiding Nicaragua) to help them get to the USA.  If it’s as good in Cuba as they want you to believe, then why is there still a massive exodus in 2016?

Most importantly: communism has failed.  And those clinging onto it are suffering the most.  Cuba has two currencies:  the Cuban peso (CUP) and the Cuban convertible peso (CUC).  The CUP is the national currency used by the people.  The CUC is for tourists and is pegged 1 to 1 with the US dollar.  So the CUC is worth a lot more.  Those people working in tourism have access to tips and tourist dollars.  So they are getting comparatively rich very quickly.  For example, my tip to my tour guide for the week was more than a doctor makes in a month.  Multiply that by fifteen people on our tour and you can see that a disparity is growing quickly.  Which is exactly what communism aims to eliminate.

What a clusterfuck.

Cuba was a beautiful country and I met some very nice people there, but maybe my thoughts on Cuba actually aren’t so mixed…

A few highlights of my time in Cuba:

Havana:

Most of my time in Cuba was spent in Havana.  Which makes sense.  It’s the biggest city and the capital.  As Havana is in Latin America, I of course saw some churches and cathedrals.  But I mostly tried to avoid them because I didn’t want a repeat of being templed out too soon in Asia.  To counterbalance it, I also visited Havana’s most prominent Jewish synagogue.  I spoke with the staff there and may have found some information on some of my family members that fled to Cuba from Europe in the 1930’s (and then fled Cuba for the USA in the 1960’s).  I need to compare notes when I get back to my mom’s house in Florida.

Old Havana – the historic old centre of the city – has several beautifully restored plazas which make for a great walking tour.  The Malecon – an 8 kilometre waterfront promenade – was also a great walk during the day, at sunset, and at night when it seemed the whole city came out to socialize – just hanging out on the sidewalks.  As Havana was an important Spanish settlement, there are a handful of forts to visit.  My favourite was Castillo del Morro.  Perched across the bay from the main part of Havana, the fort offers great views.  It is still used today as navigation for boats entering and exiting Havana’s port.  The one peso ferry ride to get there was definitely within my budget.

Museums were also on the agenda.  The Museo Nacional de Bellas Artes has a whole building devoted solely to Cuban art.  The Museo de la Revolucion talked about how everyone was happy with the revolution… Right.  The Museo de la Ciudad was set in a nice building and that’s about it.  And the Museo de Naipes (playing card museum) was less a museum and more just someone showing off all the random playing cards they’ve collected over the years.  None of the museums were particularly outstanding.

Elsewhere in Havana, we visited the fancy shmancy Hotel Nacional, a Buena Vista Social Club (apparently there are a few), a gay club (where topless men left the stage and were replaced by a flamenco band – WTF?), and the Necropolis Cristobal Colon aka Christopher Columbus Cemetery… where he isn’t buried.

Santa Clara:

Our group stopped in Santa Clara to check out the Che Guevara Monument and Mausoleum.  He is idolized in Cuba.  Based on the information I received, he was sort of a dick.  We also saw the pretty town square.

Trinidad:

UNESCO-listed and beautifully restored Trinidad is one of the major tourist destinations in Cuba.  The town’s main steps serve as a big club at night.  The Museo Historico Municipal has a few interesting displays and a great view from its tower.  We took a salsa class (I am apparently terrible at salsa dancing but I think it’s because they made me dance with girls.  Yuck!) and went to a nightclub deep inside a cave in a hill just outside the town.  Nearby, a national park had a nice little hike to a waterfall, and Yen and I rented bicycles one day to get out to the gorgeous beaches.

Cienfuegos:

Our group had a brief stop in the city of Cienfuegos.  The city also has a lot of beautifully restored buildings – just like all of the other UNESCO sites in Cuba.  One of the highlights of our quick stop was to check out some stores.  Our guide took us to a store that sold good in CUP and another that sold goods in CUC.  Both were shitty, but the CUP store was definitely shittier.  There is no selection.  You want shampoo – you get shampoo.  You don’t get to pick your brand and scent.  There’s only one.  Maybe two or three options if you’re really lucky.  But really, you’re lucky that they have shampoo at all.  Communism.

Just outside of Cienfuegos, we stopped at the infamous Bay of Pigs to take a nice swim in the beautiful waters.

Viñales:

The more rural area of Viñales was our home for two nights.  Here we took a day trip to the gorgeous Cayo Jutias for a day at the beach.  We also visited an organic farm where we had a delicious meal, a tobacco farm where we got to see how a Cuban cigar is rolled, and a nearby liquor distillery.  The distillery – in the city of Pinar del Rio – was pretty shitty.  Comparing to the other alcohol tours I’ve done in other countries, it was fairly evident that quality control, occupational health and safety, and sanitation were not really on the mind.  Ick.  We also visited the Las Terrazas biosphere reserve on the way back to Havana.

Food - the anti-highlight:

I know this blog is already long, but I can’t blog without mentioning the food.  The food in Cuba is… not so great.  The Cuban food in Miami is better.  The reason:  Miami has ingredients.  Cuba doesn’t.  There are no big grocery stores in Cuba.  It’s all little government shops with little selection.  I had four types of fruits in Cuba:  pineapple, papaya, guava, and banana.  That’s pretty much all they have.  The vegetable selection was not much better.  Chicken, pork, and seafood are available, but beef is scarce.  It’s restricted by the government because they don’t have enough cows and it’s costly anyway.  Even one of their national dishes – ropa vieja – is made with lamb in many restaurants because they can’t get their hands on beef.  It’s ridiculous.  Rice and beans are prevalent, as are fried plantains.  Restaurants have been allowed to open since 2011, so we were told the food is a lot better now than what is was in the pre-restaurant era.  But the restaurants still struggle with the same lack of ingredients.  I did manage to get some shitty Chinese food in Havana’s old Chinatown (nearly all of the Chinese left after the revolution) and shitty pizzas were prevalent and cheap.  But they were usually terrible.  Like, offensive to god terrible.  It’s amazing how one country can fuck up a pizza so bad everywhere.

To drink, there was lots of fake Coke and fake Sprite.  And lots of rum.  More rum than you can shake a stick at.  I don’t normally like rum, but I’ll give the Cubans one thing:  they make a good rum.  I had pina coladas, daiquiris, cuba libres, and mojitos.  I like mojitos.

But the rum doesn’t excuse the food.  It was like the exact opposite of my food porn from Mexico City.  By day 11, it was definitely time to head to a place where I could switch up the cuisine.  But first, let me take a selfie.

To see more photos of my time in Cuba, follow this link:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10100375051016581.1073741912.3000370&type=1&l=1f4f65b37f

CDMX Food Porn

For those of you that know me well, and those of you that barely know me, and those of you that don’t know me but have ever read any of my blogs, or those of you that don’t even know where that sound was coming from but happened to be within three kilometres of me while I was at a Mexican restaurant… you know that I love Mexican food.  I’ve eaten Mexican food in 27 different countries on all six inhabited continents.  Yes, I had Mexican food in Mexico a LONG time ago, but I was young and scared of the third world so I think I played it very safe.  But now – as an adult that knows how to avoid food poisoning (usually) – I was excited to touchdown in Mexico City (CDMX) and start eating my way through the largest city in the Americas.

And that’s just what I did.

I ate.  I blushed.  I took another bite.  I felt warm.  I licked the spoon.  Fuck this is hot.  Just one more nibble as I scrape the plate.  I can’t handle any more!  Tres leches is coming?  Oh!!!!!!

A few highlights of things I put in my mouth in Mexico City:

Enchiladas:

Picture it:  a warm plate.  Two long, hot enchiladas.  Covered in sultry sauce.  Mouth-watering.  Maybe I should unbutton my top button to send the signal that I’m going to make my move.  Then I fork those enchiladas.  Ooooooooo.  Delicious.

My favourite enchiladas of the trip were at a restaurant called Cabrera 7.  They were chicken mole enchiladas with almonds.  They were so hot.  11 out of 10.  I get all hot and bothered just thinking about them.  I also had enchiladas verdes and vegetarian mole enchiladas.  I need to go take a cold shower.

Tacos:

A long, tall, fully erect cactus stands all hot in the desert.  Shortly thereafter, it’s on my plate in the form of a chicken and cactus taco covered in creamy, creamy cheese.  This is the plot of the food porn film that I’m making.  I’ve been inspired.

I cheated on the cactus and also had a fourgy with tacos of zucchini with corn, poblano pepper with cream, and chicken a la talla.  And because I’m a high class ho, I ever-so-sensually put a duck mole taco into my mouth.  Duck.  Mole.  Duck.  Mole.  It’s so fancy.  It’s like having sex on the balcony of the penthouse suite of a six-star hotel.  Quick – give me some ice!

Other:

Tamales.  Oh tamales!  My favourite was the tamal oaxaqueno – a chicken mole tamal that’s a specialty of Oaxaca.  And Americans:  did you know that it’s not a tamale.  It’s a tamal.   Tamales is plural and Americans just chopped off the “S” as if it was English.  I learned something new.  Smart is sexy.

What’s hotter than Anderson Cooper laying naked on top of a bear-skin rug and a big pile of money?  A hot, steamy bowl of tortilla soup.  He may be a silver fox, but he’s got nothing on what’s in the bowl.

And what has my trip been missing?  I’ve been so focused on the Mexicans that I forgot about other cultures.  Some hot interracial action is in order.  Sushiroll is a chain of Mexican-inspired sushi restaurants.  After some sake sangria, my sushi rolls arrived.  One set of rolls with manchego cheese.  The other with spicy chipotle sauce.  It was too hot to handle.  It was Mexican-Phill-Japanese action and it was definitely rated X.

Drinks:

Every hot, throbbing meal needs a glass of liquid sex to cool it down a bit.  And I made sure drinks were on order.  Tequila drinks.  Mezcal drinks (it’s like tequila).  Pulque.  And Micheladas – beer with lemon and salt on the rim.  Rim.  It’s like a margarita.  But with beer.  And it gets me excited!

Desserts:

If you haven’t climaxed yet, then this is sure to take you home.  So just remember:  this is not safe for work.

Arroz con leche.  It’s Mexican rice pudding.  It belongs in my mouth.  Always.  Then there’s tres leches – aka “three milks”.  It’s a sponge cake with three different types of cream in it.  But they should change the name to “cuatro leches” – aka “four milks” – because when I eat it there’s a fourth cream produced.  Oh baby!  And then there’s churros.  Long, strong churros.  Filled with chocolate, oozing out of the tip.  You have to suck a little before eating it to avoid it dripping everywhere and making a mess.  I hate when the ooze gets all over me.  I want it all in my mouth.

And I have to give massive kudos to Mexico because they knew I was coming and they prepared macarons just for me.  I filled my tight little box with six flavours:  Palomitas Caramelizadas y Cardamomo, Naranja y Mezcal con Sal de Gusano, Horchata y Vainilla, Chocolate Mexicano, Pan de Elote, and Gloria.  Translated from Spanish to English:  caramelized popcorn and cardamom, orange and mezcal with worm salt, horchata and vanilla, Mexican chocolate, corn bread, and caramel.  Translated from English to Phill:  foreplay, moaning, heavy petting, sex, climax, and afterglow.

Was that as good for you as it was for me?  No?  Well maybe you should go to Mexico City…

I don’t have any selfies of me with food in Mexico City, mainly because my hands were… covered in taco sauce.

Yeah.  Taco sauce.  That’s right.

To see more pornographic photos of food in Mexico City, follow this link:

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