Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Ode To My VPN

I’m normally not much of a poet
But I feel inspired, don’t you know it
To write an ode to something
That has proved to be quite the blessing

I finally caved in a few months ago
And dropped $75 on something intangible
Virtual Private Network – VPN for short
Has proved to be my splendidly fantastic new cohort

When you leave the US, sometimes you can’t see
All of the fabulous shows on American TV
There are patents and copyrights and even trademarks
That render completely useless all your browser’s bookmarks

For those who don’t know exactly what a VPN does
It basically restores an expat’s internet buzz
Not only in China to get Googled and Facebooked
It works in Oz too so I can stay hooked
On all of my shows and favourite news sites
Which sadly won’t let me view them day or night

The VPN connects you to a server overseas
To trick your computer quicker than a sneeze
One minute all content is blocked, the next it’s available
This VPN I purchased is truly a marvel

My IP address shows different but of course I’m still in Sydney
Though my computer thinks it’s in Dallas or Miami or Philly
Today, Honolulu or tomorrow, Nebraska
I can connect to any server I want, even one in Alaska

“This video is not available in your region” Ugh! That’s so annoying
With the push of a button, it’s suddenly going
The error is gone and my video displayed
And I can watch as many times as I want in any given day

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart – gosh he’s so fine
I couldn’t watch him before but today he’s all mine
Don’t forget Glee and my favourite South Park
No longer for these shows is my viewing in the dark
I can watch them from my computer on normal websites
And not some bootleg virus-ridden one which might cause a plight

The Onion once limited content for those in other countries
But now they have no idea that I’m overseas
Articles and videos which all make me laugh
Are back at my fingertips without any gaffe

All the major networks only work in the States
The same goes for Hulu – I’m in dire straits!
But now I can watch them all when I want
And that stupid error message can no longer taunt

Clips from the Oscars and Grammys are my rewards
And now I can even watch the Country Music Awards
Don’t forget shopping – if you do it’s a sin
Now I can get the same prices as my American kin

You have to be local to buy music on Amazon.com
But in Australia it’s so much more for the same damn song
So turn on the network and let’s do some shopping
The savings I find online are just whopping
Macklemore’s album was 17 dollars on iTunes
Only 4 dollars on Amazon – it’s a savings monsoon!

Lonely Planet directs you to your country’s local online store
But at American prices I can totally buy more
I turn on the network and the website just changes
The little flag at the top suddenly rearranges

All of the prices are now in USD
And they’re cheaper than Australia and that brings me glee
Last but not least I must tell you a story
About a horrible week when I finally found glory

I was ordering some chocolate from my favourite company
Theo of course, and I was ordering plenty
To ship to my sister who’s coming to visit
With a big carry-on bag full of my chocolate

The website said no, the bank has declined
But I called up Chase and they said it was fine
I tried and I tried but it just wouldn’t work
I was pulling out hair, I was going berserk
I used a US address and my US credit card
And I just couldn’t figure out why this was so hard

When a little light bulb went on in my head
I tried turning on my VPN instead
I then hit submit and the order went through
I smiled and I cheered and was no longer blue

All of it was thanks to my trusty VPN
It’s saved me frustration again and again
It may be a bit slower than normal internet
But it brings me Jon Stewart, so I’m not upset

For a few minutes it sometimes needs to buffer
But life without it would certainly be tougher
So if you are an expat and you hem and you haw
About dropping some money to skirt copyright laws

Just take my advice, I’ve been there before
It’s totally worth it – I’d even pay more
To get these sites and all of this content
When you think about it, it’s a drop in the bucket
Sign up today, you surely won’t regret it
And then thank me later with the gift of Theo Chocolate


Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Sydney Macaron Mania

Do you remember that one day a few years ago when all of a sudden a cupcake shop opened on the street corner in your city?  And do you remember thinking “what a novel idea!”?  And then another opened, and then another, and before we all knew it, there were nearly as many cupcake shops as there were Starbucks in major American cities.  That happened in New York and Los Angeles and Washington and San Francisco and Chicago and Seattle and everywhere else across America.

And apparently it happened in Australia too, but since we only have a handful of Starbucks here, there are actually more cupcake shops.  I can count at least six cupcake shops alone in the vicinity of my office, and I’m certain there must be at least a few more across the rest of the CBD (downtown).

But times are changing.  While the cupcake bubble hasn’t quite burst yet, it has definitely slowed down and taken a backseat to the newest dessert fad that has swept Australia:  Macarons.

Macarons are a French dessert made primarily of meringue and almond meal with a soft flavour filling in the middle.  These are not to be confused with macaroons (with the additional “o”) which are coconut-based and of Italian origin, though most commonly noted for being adopted by Jews at Passover (since it’s made of coconut instead of bread).  Macarons are rounded while macaroons sort of look like a really ugly nipple.

All around Sydney – and the other major Australian cities – macaron shops are popping up like Starbucks do in the US and many a baker are honing their skills.  Macarons are difficult to make – a delicate pastry requiring utmost skill and technique – and all that love that goes into each one means that they taste delicious.  Fucking delicious if I may.  Orgasmic really.  But macarons can go wrong – the texture may be off or they may sit out for too long and the outer shell may harden a bit.  Don’t get me wrong – they still taste really good – but it’s all that much better when the texture is just right and the macaron ever-so-slightly crumbles while still retaining a certain gooeyness about it - and feeling so soft that it’s near melting away on your tongue.  Ooooo the sensation!

Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

So, as a means of quality control and because I’m always up to date with the latest trends (and because I’ll take any excuse to have some sweets), I’ve travelled around Sydney trying some of the major macaron players.  I present to you:  my macaron rankings!

6.  Coco Noir

Coco Noir is a cute little café located in the Westfield mall just a block from my office, which makes it an easy and convenient option for a quick sugar fix after lunch during the week.  They also used to sell them at a salad place (ironic, eh?) which I frequent fairly often in the city.  The flavours are quite good, but unfortunately, the macarons here are wholly inconsistent.  Some were quite good in both size and texture, but others were too big or too small, or a bit too hard on the outside.  It’s almost as if some of the batches sat out overnight and went a bit stale.  Shame.


Overall, these are nothing really special, but they do look really pretty in the display case!


On a positive note, these are the least expensive of the bunch (as they should be) and the café has a huge assortment of other cakes, tarts, pastries, etc. which make my mouth water.

5.  Cre Asion

Kudos to Cre Asion – a tiny little laneway macaron maker – for having the most inventive theme for their macarons:  Asian.


Cre Asion had all the standard flavours but also a huge assortment of Asian-inspired ones such as Green Tea, Kinako (roasted soybean flour), Yuzu (an East Asian citrus fruit), and Bamboo Charcoal (pictured below).


I think they had biggest selection of flavours overall, but there were two drawbacks.  First, the macarons were probably the smallest of all the ones I sampled.  Second, all of the outsides of the macarons were a bit hardened.  Again, it seemed as if these may have sat out overnight.  Either way, the eight that I had made for a tasty breakfast (oops – did I just admit that?)


One huge positive:  the staff inside (while slightly limited in their English abilities) were super friendly.  If you’re looking for something completely different, Cre Asion is worth a try.

4.  Baroque

Baroque is located in The Rocks and is a long-standing Sydney institution.



There aren’t any flaws in the macarons at Baroque, but the flavours are a bit standard – nothing outrageously inventive or adventurous like I found at my top 2 macaron shops.  These are a bit run-of-the-mill in a way, but also a great option for those seeking a more classic macaron.


Baroque’s Salted Caramel flavour – a staple of all macaron shops it seems – is by far the best of the six that I tried.  While some Salted Caramel macarons make you wonder where the salt is, this one comes out boldly and says “I’m here!  I’m perfectly salty!  Put me in your mouth!”  And I did.  And there was much taste bud rejoicing.

3.  Laduree

Laduree is the original macaron maker from Paris – being the first to serve the modern day macaron over 80 years ago.  The company has expanded globally and sells thousands upon thousands of macarons each day.  Laduree opened a shop right here in Sydney so of course I had to give it a go.  The flavours here are a bit more traditional sort of like Baroque above, but I guess traditional flavours (Chocolate, Strawberry, Pistachio, Liquorice, Coffee, etc.) are what you should expect from the inventor of the macaron.


Laduree is like the Chanel of macarons – super fancy with only the finest packaging.  Walking around with a Laduree bag is sort of like a status symbol I suppose.


For me, I felt a bit like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman when the dreadful woman in the store is like “I don’t think we have anything for you.  You’re obviously in the wrong place.  Please leave.”  The staff weren’t really friendly at all – a complete 180 from Cre Asion – and the macarons were over 30% more expensive than the others.  And do you know why?  Because they’re made in Switzerland.

Let me repeat:  the Laduree macarons are made in SWITZERLAND.

Then they are snap frozen and flown here on a plane – probably in First Class.  So, yes, these are the real deal.  And from a technical standpoint, they are probably the best macarons for consistency and texture, though it may be a bit challenging to get them at the shop at the perfect amount of time after they've been taken out of the freezer.  Also, they leave a bigger carbon footprint.  At the end of the day, they are delicious, but maybe we should keep it local?

2.  Mak Mak

Located at the far end of Newtown, Mak Mak made for a great 1 hour, 15 minute walk from my apartment (as a means to burn off the calories in advance).  Luckily, I had some company for the walk as my mate Michael decided to tag along.  The presentation of these macarons was the best:  not just plain colours like most places, but Mak Mak put designs and hearts and glittery-type things on their macarons to distinguish the flavours from each other.  Pretty!


But it was the flavours themselves that really left us stunned.  The variety of flavours was very unique.  Yes, they had one or two standards, like the Salted Caramel and the Pistachio, but the rest were surprising combinations.  There was the Peppermint & Black Tea macaron which tasted almost exactly like mint tea tastes.  How they got those flavours infused so deep into that macaron is beyond me, but it was fantastic.


There was also a Smoked Vanilla & Pecan Praline macaron – Michael’s favourite of the bunch – as well as a Peanut Butter & Belgian Milk Chocolate.  Let me repeat:  Peanut Butter & Belgian Milk Chocolate.  This was like a Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup but for classy people with impeccable taste.  Seriously amazeballs.  Other flavours from the list included Passionfruit, Orange, & Lemon Myrtle;  Blood Orange, Gin, & Tonic;  and Raspberries & Cream.


In all of the ones we tried, the flavours really stood out – we could tell exactly what we were eating – and even if we didn’t know the flavours beforehand, I bet we could have guessed the strange combinations with pretty good accuracy.  Bravo to Mak Mak!  I was really tossing up whether to rank this one # 1 or # 2.  I’m going to keep it at # 2 for now, but I will definitely go back and try them again.  Further comparison is definitely in order.

1.  Adriano Zumbo

Adriano Zumbo’s macarons are probably the most famous in Sydney.  They are so famous, in fact, that Adriano renamed his macarons.  They are now known as Zumbarons.  Adriano Zumbo has a book or two, a macaron kit for the home which you can buy at major grocery stores, and a small chain of patisseries dotted across Sydney.  He’s also a bit of a foodie icon locally and has been featured as a guest judge on Master Chef (Australia’s version of Top Chef).

Just like Mak Mak, the Zumbarons come in some pretty insane flavours, but the execution differs sharply.  Mak Mak infuses the flavours in so well that you can tell exactly what it is meant to be, but Zumbo makes his more subtle, leaving it a bit of a game to try and guess what flavour you’ve just put in your mouth.  I’ve been stumped several times and have always been extremely (and pleasantly) surprised about the flavours in each one.  There’s always that epiphany moment when I’m like “Ooooo – that’s what that flavour was!”  That may annoy some people, but I find it absolutely fun.


As for the flavours, well, who needs plain old chocolate when you can have Chocolate Doughnut or Chocolate Mint?  Replace Vanilla with Blackened Vanilla, and maybe we can draw some inspiration from the chip aisle at the supermarket:  how about a Salt & Vinegar macaron?  Zumbo takes the traditional Salted Caramel and ever so gently transforms it with a bit of butter:  Salted Butter Caramel.  Or one step further:  Salted Butter Caramel on Toast.  There’s a Peach Ice Tea Zumbaron which is great for a hot summer afternoon and a Pancake & Maple Syrup Macaron which is perfect for breakfast, right?  Just when it couldn’t get any better, there’s Caramel Banana Balsamic Zumbaron, Chocolate Pudding Zumbaron, Pecan Danish Zumbaron, and Bread & Butter Pudding Zumbaron.  But my two favourites – hands down – are the Salted Butter Popcorn Zumbaron and Malted Milkshake Zumbaron.  The popcorn one even has bits of popcorn stuck to the outside!

Technically speaking:  these are consistently top notch.  Zumbarons are slightly firm on the outside but not hard or crunchy, and soft on the inside – the perfect blend between crumbly and gooey.  The best part:  you don’t have to get them in a box.  You can get them on a conveyor belt sent directly to your table.


Zumbo has a dessert train restaurant at the Star City Casino and it’s just fantastic.  In addition to the Zumbarons, they also have an assortment of cakes and tarts, an all-you-can-eat ice cream machine, and some amazing hot chocolate.  This is why I’m going to put Zumbo at # 1.  Well, that and the Salted Butter Popcorn Zumbaron.

It’s simply heavenly.


Thursday, June 6, 2013

A Very Berry Day Trip

I had been to the quaint country town of Berry before – back about a year and a half ago with my mate Oscar (http://phillipdavid.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/small-town-australia-noodle-deceit.html).  But recently, I had been advised that the little town of Berry puts on a fabulous market on the first Sunday of each month.  I love markets.  So many foods and treats and trinkets and pretty homemade things.  With this allure, it wasn’t difficult to round up another gay to drive me down there.  Gays love pretty things.

We chose last Sunday – the first Sunday in June – to make the two hour drive south to hit up the markets.  When we awoke:  it was pouring rain.  We texted.  We deliberated.  We debated.  We decided not to let it rain (figuratively) on our parade.  We went to Berry.

My mate Michael accompanied me on the journey and brought along his trusty car, Blanche.


We arrived in Berry around midday to find the markets… had been cancelled… due to the rain.  Mother Nature may have won the battle this time, but we were determined not to let that bitch win the war.  So we stayed anyway.

Exploring the town of Berry more in depth turned out to be quite a treat.  After lunch, we walked up and down the main drag and checked out all sorts of shops.  They had antiques, clothes, homewares, and more.  We hit the jackpot at a small shop called “Haven & Space”, which was by far the closest thing to a Pier 1 Imports that I’ve found in Oz thus far.  For a tiny little store, they really crammed in the goodies.  I walked away with some colourful throw pillows and two matching picture frames all for around $85.  For the Americans, that may seem like a normal price, but this is Australia – a place where a decent looking throw pillow will normally set you back $40.


Michael saw a giant mirror – just like he had been wanting – and bubble wrapped it up and stuck it in the back of Blanche.


I also made a point to revisit the donut van:


And we strolled in and out of bakeries, chocolate shops, and candy stores.  I was super stoked to find an international candy store.  I stocked up on Altoids, random flavours of gum, and even some White Chocolate Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups.  Yummy.

On my last trip down to the South Coast, Oscar and I had stayed at a winery and ended up buying half a case of Semillon (a common varietal of Australian wine).  It was damn fantastic, so after a quick stop at another chocolate shop, we headed to Coolangatta Estate Winery where I promptly purchased another case of Semillon.  Now I just have to wait for them to age… Maybe.

As we left the Berry area, the rain started again.  She tried her best to thwart us, but Mother Nature didn’t succeed.  We hit the shopping, sweets, and wine jackpots in Berry.  And even without the markets and the grim weather, Berry was a splendid day trip and escape from Sydney.  The question is:  Where shall we go next?


Hmmm.  I think the fact that we missed the markets means we’ll need to head back to Berry.  That’s our perfect excuse for more donuts, right?


Thursday, May 30, 2013

A Shout Out to Sweden

I know I blogged about Eurovision last year – two separate entries in fact – and I probably don’t need to blog about it again this year… except that I need to blog about it again this year.  This year, Eurovision was all about Sweden, even though it wasn’t all about Sweden.  Also, as strange as it is for a country that isn’t in Eurovision, this year it was also all about Australia.

I mentioned previously that Australian viewers get a shout out from the Eurovision hosts every year.  This year it was a bit different.  This year we got several shout outs – during each of the two semi-finals and the final itself.  But there was more – so much more.  All 170+ million viewers across Europe saw this clip – all about Australia:


Amazeballs!  We’ve been noticed down here!  And just as the video says, there were heaps of Eurovision parties, including one at my apartment again this year.  Everybody brought food from a different competing country.  I had done Israel and Denmark in the past, so I decided to change it up again this year and go for Belgium.  I bought a waffle maker and several bottles of Belgian beer.  I have to say it was a stellar choice.








This year’s host country – Sweden – gave Australia a big shout out, so it’s only fair that I give a shout out back to them.  Last year’s host country – Azerbaijan – spent over a billion dollars to build a lavish new arena for the event.  Yes, the venue looked pretty fantastic, but was it really necessary?  Also, the Azerbaijanis bombarded us with images and video clips of their country throughout the entire program, including before each contestant.  And they had 3 hosts on stage.  Overkill!  Sweden did it a bit different.  In the midst of a financial crisis that is plaguing much of Europe, Sweden kept it real.  For starters, their budget was under 19 million dollars.  That’s not much for an event that is watched by more people than the Super Bowl.  Also, they poked fun at themselves incessantly.  They even joked about how the event wasn’t being held in a big arena in Stockholm, but rather in a smaller, older venue in Malmo, Sweden’s third largest city.  Rather than bombard viewers with images and clips of Sweden before each contestant, they actually had clips of each contestant in their home country.  It was quite lovely.  But there were two things that were super fantastic about this year’s Eurovision Song Contest:  (1) The Gays and (2) Petra Mede.

The Gays.

It’s no secret that Eurovision has a huge gay following, but that wasn’t really acknowledged in Azerbaijan last year, mainly because their record on gay rights isn’t so fantastic.  But Sweden is the polar opposite, and the gays shined.  The hostess made references to the gays at several points in the show, even joking that all of the single men in the audience just hadn’t found the right girl yet.  Some of the acts themselves were pretty gay.  I was rooting for Finland in the final, and singer Krista Siegfrids’ song “Marry Me” ended with a lesbian kiss to show support for marriage equality and to raise awareness of it in Finland (the only Nordic country without marriage for all).


And then there was Ireland’s entry.  Look at the guys on the drums in the beginning (and all throughout).  If there was ever going to be a number designed specifically for a gay audience, this was most certainly it.  Yummylicious.


But it really got gay with the hostess of the show, which brings me to the other thing.

Petra Mede.

Petra Mede was the sole host of the show (why have 3 mediocre hosts when you can have 1 amazing one?)  She’s a Swedish comedian and she was fantastic throughout the entire program, but it was the end of the final that really skyrocketed Petra Mede to a place of high regard in my book.  While the votes were being tallied, Petra Mede decided it was time to finally sell Sweden to the European audience.  And I think this musical number here is probably the best thing I have ever seen on TV:


First of all, I had no idea Celsius was a Swede, though I did know about the Nobel Prize being from there.  I just loved the way she poked fun at her own country – a lot – an awful lot – but it was hilarious.  She even mentioned the Swedish Chef from the Muppets.  OMG!  And even though she pretty much tore Swedes apart with all of their idiosyncrasies and hard-to-assemble Ikea furniture, she did it in a very loving and endearing way and somehow turned it all into a positive and subtly reminded the rest of Europe that Sweden is better than they are.  Seriously.  Did you see the gay wedding in the song?  The very next line of the song was “Follow our example…”  Oh yes.  She might as well have lined up government officials from every Eastern European country and just smacked them right there on stage.  She was bragging about Sweden’s record on gay rights and recycling and gender roles and accomplishments… and rightfully so.  Sweden is awesome.  It was refreshing to see it brought to attention, particularly the marriage equality shout out, especially after the contest was held in a hostile country last year.  So, for the most entertaining Eurovision ever (well, of the four that I've seen), I must tip my hat to Petra Mede and the rest of Sweden for putting on a fantastic show.  Bravo!

Denmark was crowned champion this year and so has the honor of hosting next year’s contest.  They are going to have a lot of work on their hands if they are going to try to top Sweden’s show.  Now the big question:  Which country should I pick for next year?  Maybe I’ll go Sweden and just pop over to the Ikea and pick up a bunch of stuff from their food section.  Done!

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Free Healthcare!

As I very excitedly mentioned in my previous blog, I am now entitled to Medicare.  Woohoo!!!

Medicare is Australia’s universal health care system.  America:  take notes.  Medicare was implemented nearly 40 years ago, and after some fluctuations and political maneuvering, was finally left intact as a permanent feature about 10 years after that.  Of course, just like in America today, there was political debate, and the bill to implement Medicare faced an uphill fight.  The two chambers of Parliament were controlled by different parties, and the Medicare bill was one of the major ones they were squabbling over at the time, though apparently there were a few other controversial bills too.  The fight was so fierce that it led the Queen’s representative here to actually dissolve Australia’s Parliament.  To date, that was the only time Australia’s Parliament has been dissolved by the monarch.

So, what does it entail?  First, let me run a disclaimer:  I’m new to this system, so not entirely sure yet, but I think the below is pretty accurate.  Also, it’s actually quite complicated, so this is a very simplified version.  I think.

So, going to the hospital is free as long as you go to a public hospital.  Going to the doctor is free as long as you go to a doctor that “bulk bills” patients (basically, a doctor who agrees to charge the minimum Medicare rate).  And apparently eye exams are also free but I have yet to explore this fully.  So, what don’t you get?  Well, you don’t get to go to a private hospital.  And you won’t get a private room even in a public hospital.  And no, you can’t choose your doctor.  And yes, you may have to wait a few months to have your tonsils out because it’s not life-threatening.  But rest assured that if you have a heart attack or stroke or are diagnosed with cancer, that you’ll be treated quickly and efficiently at no cost to you.

Let me repeat:  something that would cost tens of thousands of dollars or more – even with insurance – in the US, is absolutely free in Australia.  And this is probably reason # 1 why I moved here.  Cancer doesn’t automatically mean you have to take out a second mortgage.

Also, prescriptions are subsidized by the government as well, so you won’t pay more than $35-ish for any necessary medications.  Not too shabby.

Now, of course, you may pay other out-of-pocket expenses for things aside from pharmaceuticals.  Some doctors charge a higher rate, and the difference between the higher rate and the Medicare approved rate is called the “gap”.  If you really want to go to a certain doctor that costs more and you end up spending a lot of money on gap payments, or have a lot of prescriptions and have to pay quite bit out of pocket, you’ll probably get a rebate or a tax break from the government.  Again, not too shabby.

Also, you have to pay extra out of pocket if you want your own room in a hospital, or if you want to go to a private hospital (though, I’ve heard that public hospitals have more funding and therefore better equipment).  Dental is not included in Medicare.  Neither are glasses nor contacts.  Neither are physiotherapy nor chiropractic.

So, what do you do in those situations?

That’s where private health insurance comes in.  And it conveniently works that it’s often times cheaper than Medicare.  “But Medicare is free, right?”  Yes, but higher income earners pay an additional Medicare levy surcharge of 1.5% of their annual income.  But, if you take out an acceptable level of private health insurance, the levy gets waived.  Also, unless you’re super rich, the government provides a subsidy for private health insurance, and the level depends on your age and income.  I only get a 10% discount because I’m young and single, but I think some people can get up to 40% off if they’re older or have children.  Also, unlike in America, private health insurance here is cheap.  Super cheap.  “Cheap as chips” as the Aussies would say, though they always complain about how expensive it is.  They have no idea.

To get my discount on taxes, I purchased a plan which gives me some basic private hospital cover as well as “extras cover”.  The hospital cover allows me to go to a private hospital, get my own room, and avoid most waiting periods.  As an example, you may have to put your name down on a year-long wait list for something like tonsils when using Medicare, but it may be only a week or two if using private health insurance.  It also provides ambulance cover, which is not a part of Medicare and would normally cost several hundred dollars.  I’d just call a taxi.

The “extras cover” also provides a bunch of other stuff that’s not included in Medicare.  This includes dental, physiotherapy, chiropractic, podiatry, and a bunch of natural therapies such as acupuncture, Chinese herbalism, homeopathy, aromatherapy, remedial massage, and more.

Let me just repeat that:  my health insurance covers acupuncture, aromatherapy, massage, and drugs dispensed by an old Chinese man.  I’m not even shitting you.  And this stuff is considered pretty standard for private health insurance in Australia.  Wow.

Now, it doesn’t always cover the full cost of these things – I’m likely to pay 20% - 40% out of pocket for most “extra” services, especially those provided by a dentist, doctor, or old Chinese man outside my insurance company’s preferred provider network.  But really, that’s not a big deal because most doctors and medical-ish services are pretty cheap in Australia.  Also, my entire plan cost less than $850… for an entire year… That’s like a monthly premium in the US.  The best part:  that is actually less than the Medicare levy surcharge for me, so I’m actually saving money by purchasing private health insurance.  Now, I could go out and buy the Mercedes of insurance plans which pays for everything and the kitchen sink, but I don’t think I’ll need the pregnancy cover anytime soon.  So I’ll stick with my Hyundai type plan.  It’s not very classy but it’s fairly reliable for now.  I’ll consider upgrading to a Honda type plan one day.

But wait!  There’s more!  Just as getting permanent residency in Australia came with the added bonus of full rights to live, work, and/or study in New Zealand, it also comes with a reciprocal health agreement!  So, if I get sick when travelling to New Zealand, I can just flash my Medicare card and “Bam!” I get treated!  Ok, so there may be a bit more paperwork involved, but I’d fill out a few forms for free healthcare.  And just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, not only does Australia have a reciprocal healthcare agreement with New Zealand, it also has similar agreements with the United Kingdom, Ireland, Netherlands, Belgium, Finland, Sweden, Norway, Italy, Slovenia, and Malta.  So, if I’m sick in Stockholm – “Bam!” Covered.  Diseased in Dublin?  “Bam!” Covered.  Ailing in Antwerp?  “Bam!”  That’s covered too!  I love alliteration.

Do you know who Australia does not have a reciprocal healthcare agreement with?

America.

Because the US doesn’t have a healthcare system to reciprocate with.

Ain’t that some shit?


Monday, May 27, 2013

Australian Permanent Residency

It’s been a month since I last blogged and a lot has happened since my last entry.  Work has been insane which is the main reason I haven’t had a chance to sit down and type up something meaningful, but a big project that I’ve been working on is now complete so I can take a bit of a breather and focus on things more important than work… like my blog!

The biggest news from the past month:  I am now an Australian Permanent Resident!  Woohoo!

That basically means I can quit my stinkin’ job if they make me do any more massive projects like the last one.  So, what is permanent residency?  For the Americans in the audience, it’s basically a Green Card.  Previously, I was in Australia on a work visa that tied me to my employer.  My employer sponsored me, and if I quit or was fired, that sponsorship would cease and I’d be shipped back off to the old country.  Ick!  But now it’s all different:  I am no longer tied to a company.  I may still work for the man, but I don’t necessarily need him.  I have the right to remain in Australia indefinitely.  But that’s just the beginning.

Not only can I remain in Australia forever, I can also work here – wherever I want – except for a few government type jobs where citizenship is required.  I can study here – whatever I want – so if I want to go back to school and learn a skill that’s more interesting than insurance, I can do that.  Woohoo!  I can travel to and from Australia as often as I want for the next five years, after which time I’d basically need to get a supplementary travel visa which is quick and painless to apply for.  But wait! There’s more!

I am now eligible to access a range of social and health-related payments and services provided by the Australian Government.  So, if I lose my job, I can apply for the dole.  The “dole” is what Australians call welfare or unemployment benefits (because the government doles it out to people).  Trust that I’ll stay far away from the dole, mainly because that requires going into a government office which would surely be filled with a bunch of poor people all begging for money.  Horrifying.  On a less horrifying note, I now qualify for some types of student loans and even “dad and partner pay”.  That’s a foreign concept for an American.  In Australia, you get a “baby bonus” for breeding or adopting – just a bunch of money from the government for each child you have – and you get a year of parental leave as well (maternity or paternity leave).  Gay couples qualify too because this is Australia after all, and even though New Zealand just leapt ahead in the race for equality, Australia is still pretty progressive, especially when compared with America.  So, if I were to meet Mr. Right tomorrow and then marry him (or really, form a de facto relationship with him) right away and then adopt a child together and decide to take a year off work, then I would now qualify for some financial support from the government because I’m a permanent resident.

But trust that I won’t do that either.  I can’t stand children like I can’t stand poor people.

The big benefit, however, is Medicare.  Medicare is Australia’s universal health care and I’m in love with it because I’m sort of a socialist.  I went and enrolled in Medicare the very next day after my visa was granted.  Medicare will thus have a whole entry devoted to it at a later date.

As a permanent resident, I am now allowed to sponsor other people for permanent residency, such as an overseas partner (I’m still looking…) or a family member (except for you, Mom – because I couldn’t handle you kvetching about the giant bugs).  Even more:  I can get some Australian consular assistance overseas which is far more useful to me than sponsoring my imaginary boyfriend or a family member who would surely have a heart attack at the first sight of a huntsman spider.

And just when you thought that the list of benefits couldn’t grow any longer, while researching all of my entitlements just to write this blog, I stumbled upon something that I hadn’t even considered or thought of at all throughout this process:  New Zealand.

I am entitled to New Zealand.

Mwahahahaha!

Ok, I’m not entitled to all of New Zealand, but I am entitled to travel to New Zealand without a visa, and even more, I am entitled to remain there indefinitely, and even to work and study!  Just like in Australia!  It’s sort of like a European Union-style arrangement except it’s only two countries instead of twenty-seven and there aren’t as many snooty French people.  BONUS!  Two countries for the price of one!  Woohoo!  Ok, actually, it is more like two countries for the price of twenty-seven.  Which brings me to…

The process of applying for my “PR” (as it’s known in the expat community) was a bit tedious and by no means cheap.  The use of a migration agent is recommended and most employers who sponsor you for PR require it – to ensure it’s done right the first time.  Migration agents also aren’t cheap.  I had to supply a lengthy application, police checks from both the US and Australia, a birth certificate, university transcripts, a full medical exam (yay for peeing into a cup!), and a hell of a lot more.  I also had to list every single country I had been to in the past decade and the dates I was there.  So, how many times did I drive across the border to Canada when I lived in Seattle?   Heaps of times.  And how many times did they stamp my passport?  None.  Fun!  Thankfully I had archived Gmail and Facebook messages which came to the rescue.  The agent did their job and did it well, but my company threw a bunch of other obstacles at me which was entirely unpleasant.  My information was in months before the submit date, but my company waited for months to even start on their piece and didn’t have it all in until just after the last minute.  Thanks!  But, once my application was filed, it only took six weeks to the day for my visa to be approved, so my hat comes off to the Australian Government Department of Immigration and Citizenship for doing their part quickly and efficiently.  Is this was the US, the process undoubtedly would have taken years.

The most important part of this all:  permanent residency also paves a pathway to citizenship for me.  I can apply to become an Australian citizen – passport and all – in less than a year.  The citizenship process is easier – all of the hard stuff is taken care of with the PR.  So with any luck, I should be a true blue Aussie by mid-2014.  And you know what that means…

I’ll be entitled to ALL THE TIM TAMS I CAN CHOKE DOWN.  WOOHOO!!!!

Wait.  Australian citizenship does come with a lifetime supply of Tim Tams, right?


Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Another Food-Filled Melbourne Getaway

It had been nearly two years since my last excursion down to Melbourne and I thought I was long overdue for a visit.  I rounded up my mate Malcolm and we took a Friday off work to make it a long weekend.  The main purpose of our visit:


The fabulous Margaret Cho!  She was playing a full week of shows as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.  As always, she was on fire (but not literally).  Now, we didn’t travel all the way down to Melbourne just to see Margaret Cho… Ok, so we sort of did, but we decided that three days was long enough to fit in a bunch of other things too.  Looking at the guide book, I realized I missed a few things on my first two trips.  One of them was our first stop:  the Queen Victoria Market!



It was massive and it had everything you can imagine:  clothing, jewellery, souvenirs, pastries, nuts, produce, meats, all sorts of food stalls, and even live birds:


Wowzers!  Now, if you read that above list correctly, you’ll notice that foot items made up a big part of the list.  And that’s when the ultimate foodie weekend really began.  Fuck everything else:  I want food!  Pretty much everything we did revolved around food, and Melbourne’s food scene really is leaps and bounds ahead of Sydney’s.  For starters, I got these abnormally large macarons at the Queen Victoria Market:


I could barely bite into them they were so big, and the flavours – oh my!  Lemon Tart (hence why I’m wearing powdered sugar), Tiramisu, and Blueberry Cheesecake were just some of the macaron flavours that I sampled.  Speaking of desserts, no trip to Melbourne is complete without a jaunt down Acland Street in St Kilda to sample the row of delicious bakeries.


Of course, you can’t have dessert without having a proper meal first.  For brunch, we visited St Ali in South Melbourne.  Aside from having probably the best coffee I’ve tasted in Australia, they also had corn fritters.  Corn fritters are a usual staple for Aussie brunch places, but normally the corn fritters come covered in bacon.  That’s a no no in my Jew book.  But at St Ali, the corn fritters come with haloumi instead of bacon – HALOUMI!  I do love cheese and I do love corn fritters and it even came with eggs and tomato relish and some rocket (arugula in Aussie speak) to make it completely healthy.  I don’t know what they put in those fritters, but they were fanfrittertastic.


For dinner, we ended up one night at Chocolate Buddha – which to my disappointment did not involve any sort of chocolate.  It was Asian fusion, and it was fantastic.  But the kicker was Mamasita.  One of Melbourne’s most popular Mexican restaurants, I had previously tried to eat there on both of my first two trips to Melbourne, and both times the line was just too long to wait in.  This time, I made sure the third time was the charm.  They had delicious margaritas:


And the most delicious corn on the cob for a starter.  I don’t know what they put on that corn – some sort of sauce and maybe a bit of cheese – but it was totally worth the vigorous flossing that was required later that evening.  Of course, there were tacos:


And for our main we shared the pollo en mole.  It was delicioso!  The dessert is where they really threw me off guard.  Behold, sweet corn ice cream with caramel and popcorn.


There were bits of corn actually in the ice cream.  You’d think that’d be strange, but no.  It wasn’t strange.  It was deliriously amazing.

Aside from our time in Melbourne, we also took a day trip up to the Yarra Valley wine region.


Special thanks to Malcolm’s friend Amanda for driving us around like we were Miss Daisy.  We started out at Innocent Bystander – a cute winery with a delicious restaurant inside:


The advertisement for their cans of pink moscato was genius and was definitely targeted at me:


And then I bought some!  (Of course!)  There seemed to be a theme in Melbourne with the Obama references:


I don’t know why there’s so much Obama inspired advertising, but I like it.  There are two things, however, that I don’t like in Melbourne.

The first:  being made to snort and start giggling in a massive chocolate shop full of children.  But seriously, what sort of chocolate factory would create a chocolate starfish?


Either they’ve never seen Urban Dictionary or they’re just fucking with us.

The second thing I don’t like in Melbourne:  driving.


For real?  Fuck this.  We’re taking the tram!